*****We're going to look at this house tonight. It's in the area with the lake that KD wants to live in. Pros: cute porch, no shared walls. Cons: no garage yet, small yard, puny trees. There's another we're going to see on Saturday. It's actually a half-duplex (picture from the ad below). Pros: garage, really nice flooring, corner lot. Cons: shared wall, no fence, puny trees. Based solely on the ads, I could buy either one. I really need to finish the work in this place because if we decide on one of these, we'll have to list our house right away. KD also wants me to check out the brand-new quick-possession houses from the builders. And call the bank about our mortgage. In between all this work and caring for the baby, I need to read 100 pages of my text book, a memior and other articles as research for an essay, and start writing the essay. Oh, and KD's mom is coming to visit this weekend. Crazy timing for all this nonsense.
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Depth and Intimacy...and Houses
Ok friends, it's time for another serious post. I've been thinking lately about several things concerning myself. Wondering why I don't write anymore, why I have a very hard time making friends, why I'm a terrible pen pal. I have deduced that I am afraid of intimacy and anything else past the surface-level. I fear being rejected, and I fear that I won't be able to handle anything with any real depth. When I meet someone who could become a good friend, nothing ever progresses, because I feel like I am not entitled make a move that would deepen the friendship. I vowed when I was a teenager never to push myself in where I wasn't wanted, and that silly thing has only increased my natural reservation. It's probably a good thing I got married so young before I had a chance to develop these fears. I don't write because I can't get beyond the surface of my characters and really let them live. Sometimes I manage it, and I get a glimpse of what I could do if I got past this, but then poor Cass and Philip close up again and turn into cardboard. I think if I could open myself up more, then I could. Even this post is mostly on the surface. I intended to bare my soul and type everything I've been thinking on the topic, in a coherent, well-written essay. But it's not going to happen. Sorry, I've frozen up already! Back to the surface...