It has, so far, been a year of risk-taking unlike any I've lived before it. I don't do risk, generally. I really like my comfort zone. But what is interesting is that I'm also currently more fearful than ever before. More introverted. More awkward. More doubtful of my abilities and talents. Maybe pushing myself to jump in has made me more afraid. This is the opposite of what I hoped would happen.
Usually I like going out to a house party, or other event. I like being with people, as long as I know I'll have one or two people to talk to. I like people-watching. So why do I suddenly have a heart-racing, sweaty-palm reaction to the idea of going to an event? Or at the idea of starting a conversation with one of the other soccer-moms lined up at the side of the weedy field?
In addition to the extra dose of anxiety, I'm also becoming discontented with that so very comfortable comfort zone. Maybe I don't want to be the same as I've always been. Maybe I want to change, even as I fear it? I'm sure some famous somebody has said something about this paradox I find myself in.